Of course I still paint, but they are worse each time, like
a boxer’s fights. I want to say.
People remark this is low self esteem but in this instance it is twin
towering ego, in that I don’t believe potential diminished with each finished
piece, or that my paintings or printmaking is no good. I don’t do it with
discipline or at all most of the time, which is a problem, and maybe in part
due to low self esteem, but my saying so in what I genuinely believe is a joke
is just showing off facility in expression and knowing if words are the weapon,
say a nasty unsolicited validation (or a gentle one, and a rejection of it is a
chance to talk more, to entertain more or get out) then I feel confident of at
least mutually assured destruction.
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